AJ came back in and shut the door.
He chuckled as he tossed the skirt on the bed.
He froze as he remembered Sarah's words when she had first come in the door. Pregnant. Pregnant.
A look of fear crossed his face. A fart silently escaped.
He turned and looked at her. "What did you say?"
"I said what's that smell?"
"No no. Before that. When you first got here. Somethin' about being... pre... pre...."
He couldn't say the words. He could think them, but he couldn't say them.
Pregnant. Pregnant.
"I said I was pregnant."
AJ's heart sped up. His lungs tightened like rubber bands. A rush of dizziness passed over him.
He reached out for something to steady himself.
He grabbed nothing but air, and fell to the ground.
"Al... I lied."
"What? Why?"
"I don't know."
The color came back to AJ's face. Another silent fart escaped as he climbed to his feet.
"Well, then why did you come here? I thought you didn't want to see me anymore."
"I don't. But you won't stop calling me and leaving messages."
"Leaving messages?"
"You didn't leave me 7 messages of you singing 'I Wanna Sex You Up'?"
"Wha-wha.... what?... Th- that wasn't me." AJ stuttered sheepishly.
"Al... we need to talk."
"Is this about that sex tape we made? Cause if it's going around the internet, it wasn't me."
"We made a sex tape?"
"Uh... no?" Who the hell was that?!
"Anyway, we need to talk."
Did I leave somebody elses's sex tape in her VCR?
AJ made a mental note to check his collection when he got home. Then he cut another one.
"Alex... sometimes two people love each other and sometimes they don't. And sometimes they sort of love each other but they're really not sure. Sometimes one of those people sleeps around and it wears down the other person. Sometimes it's all about the breasts."
She sniffed as a putrid smell filled the air. She gagged.
"Our hearts and minds are in two different places... You know?"
AJ looked up from the sandwhich he was gobbling. His lunch tray had arrived while she was talking.
I'm sorry. Did you say something? I couldn't hear you over this delicious turkey sandwhich.
"I'm saying we're through, Alex."
"Why?"
He dropped his sandwhich back on the tray.
"It's just... I don't know. This whole 'throwing Nick out a window' business is really getting old."
AJ's face twisted with confusion. Or maybe it was gas. He let a big one rip.
Sarah continued her explanation. "I've lost all respect for Nick since he started dating Paris Hilton."
"He's dating her? Ew."
"But even so. Throwing him out a window is wrong. Funny... but wrong."
"Baby-"
"No. That is the third time this month. He's going to get hurt."
"Baby, it's Nick. He's been pushed off the stage by Howie. Thrown off the tour bus by Brian. One of the guys from N Sync cut the strings on his surfboard during the opening of a Millenium show. He plummeted 50 feet to the ground and bounced right back up. He's made of steal."
AJ let out a fart made of steal.
Sarah gasped as the air turned a greeenish haze.
"Al... it'a gonna end somewhere. It might as well be now. I don't want to end up like Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson."
"Oh god! Honey, we could never be like them... I'm not ugly."
The green haze started to take on a life of it's on. It enveloped itself around Sarah's face. Her face turned green, brown, yellow, then purple as it sucked the life out of her.
She collapsed at AJ's feet. Dead as a doornail.
"Oh my god! She's dead as a doornail!"
He bent down to check her pulse. Nothing.
"No". His voice was inaudible.
The door opened and Kevin and Howie came walking in.
"So I said it's not our fault Nick never went through puberty."
Kevin nodded.
"Oh, hi AJ." Howie said.
Kevin glared down at AJ. He was now fully dressed in his own clothing.
"Why is your hand on Sarah's left boob?"
"I'm checking for a pulse."
"Use her neck, genius."
Nick came in and tripped over Sarah's body.
"What happened? What's the smell?"
"The Twinkies and Mountain Dew... they mixed inside of me to create a toxic fume that was expelled out of my rectal area.... and killed her."
"A deadly fart?" Nick was all too familiar with those. After all, he had lived with his own butt all his life.
"Is that a real epidemic?" Howie questioned. "I thought it was fake."
"It's real... Aaron and Angel were actually triplets. But little Archie... he got a little too close after I ate some beans and franks."
"It's very real." A serious Kevin said. "This is why I wanted to stop your addiction. Twinkies and Mountain Dew are an unusually strong combination."
"So you did all this to me out of love?" AJ asked, a tear forming in his eye.
"Yes... plus I didn't want to die on the tour bus."
Nick got excited. "That must mean you pushed me out the window in the name of love!"
"Yeah... sure Nick."
Nick smiled broadly.
AJ looked down at Sarah's body. A single tear fell down his cheek.
"Are you sure she's dead? Let's check her pulse." Nick knelt down and put his hand on her boob."
"I don't feel anything." He said sadly.
"You don't check pulses in boobs!" Kevin jabbed Nick in the ribs with his toe.
AJ sniffed softly.
"I remember the day we met. It was at a Karaoke bar a couple years ago. I was downing shots of Mountain Dew and Coca-Cola. Titty Twisters, I like to call them. She had just finished up a stirring rendition of 'Slam Dunk The Funk'. She walked up to me and said "My name's Sarah. What's yours.?"
*sniffs* "I said... My name is Alex... but you can call me Al."
Everybody sniffed.
"She said "I wasn't talking to you.""
He stared to cry.
"It was so beautiful."
THE END