When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, ... I'll try to dislodge whatever it is that is choking you.
When you smile, ... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, ... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, ... I will tell you awful stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
When you are confused, ... I will use small words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick, ... stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you are heaving, ... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god.
When you fall, ... I will piss myself laughing at you.
This is my oath, ... I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you're my friend!